Tenets of the Square I

To be officially titled, "The Tenets of the Order of the Blue Square."

Whereas the Blue Square is, in fact, the ruler of the universe;

Whereas he does what he wants;

Whereas you all are a bunch of no-good, lying, scheming, nonexistent, pathetic bunch of losers who disgrace the noun "reader";

These are my tenets.

1. Our society, civilization, the universe, you name it - is doomed. We need to get the word out so people will stop trying to lead their normal lives and visit this site. Wherefore and as such, at any point in any conversation possible, say, scream, or otherwise ejaculate the word "DOOM!" from your mouth.

There are several ways to do this. One is when somebody is talking about environmental policy or something like that - admit that they're right, the world is coming to an end, and then slowly mutter in as deep a voice as possible (sorry, girls) just that single word: "Dooooommm . . . "

When having a normal conversation with some normal friends (ha; if you like this site, you'll have trouble finding those) in a normal place at a normal time, randomly mention that brilliant word, "doom," and see what their reaction is.

When otherwise discussing something that is sad, morose, melancholy, or disheartening, casually say, "Th- th- that's it, guys. We're all doomed." Then sniff or go crazy and run out of the room.

If you ever happen upon some freakishly unnatural happy people that are having a gay conversation in a cheery manner using some celebratory sort of tone that is quite hippie-like, shout - and this is going to require a deep breath - "SHUT UP! YOU'RE ALL DOOMED AND YOU KNOW IT! IT'S ALL ON THEREALBLUESQUARE.BLOGSPOT.COM! IDIOTS!"

Now just for your own enjoyment, you can also be like me and, when unsure of what you are next going to type doom doom doom doom in your doom computer or whatever, you simply type "doom" repetitively until you think of what to say. After doing so, use Microsoft Word's find-and-replace function to replace "doom" with an empty entry. And if you don't know how to either copy-paste your pathetic whatever into your, um, doom doom doom Microsoft Word, or you don't have a copy of Microsoft Word, or if you doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom are too stupid to hit Ctrl-F and click on the "Find and Replace" tab, I have no sympathy for you.

1.b. The game "Doom" looks stupid, so I haven't played it, and neither should you.

1.c. www.doom.com is some stupid commercial advertising-or-whatever site that should get a negative amount of traffic - hey, kind of like this site. Our traffic is measured in imaginary numbers!

2. While not busy thinking, "Doom! Doom! Doom!", think: Blue Square. Ah, the mystery of the Blue Square. The beauty that is inherent in it is as mystifying as a slow, rolling mist over a Kentucky plot of farmland. The Blue Square is as intriguing as a . . . as a . . . doom doom doom doom doom. Er, the Blue Square is as intriguing as a repetition of the word "doom" inserted into a stupid blog post. How's that for a simile?

3. The world is not going to be overrun by monkeys. The real predators are the Green Triangles. First of all, they're green - and green is the color the matrix coding uses, obviously a bad sign. And secondly, they're triangles! All pointy and such with centers of gravity that can be quite hard to find.

That's all for now. More, perhaps, later. Whoever invents a time-bubble creator will be linked to incessantly by Glenn Reynolds and will also receive my thanks as doing so will allow me to spend as much time as I want getting my work done, reading others' blogs, and creating Tenets of the Square on this site as well as labeling random pictures from my life for all to see and enjoy.

Be blue, squares.