Tenets of the Square III

Whereas the Blue Square is, in fact, the ruler of the universe;

Whereas he does what he wants;

Whereas you all are a bunch of no-good, lying, scheming, nonexistent, pathetic bunch of losers who disgrace the noun "reader";

These are some more of my tenets.

7. Similar to the way in which members of the Order will learn to shout, "Doom!" as often as possible, they will also learn the key phrase, "Lies! All Lies!" In a world of numerous conflicting and confusing opinions about every topic possible and a distortion of facts that is - hold on, let me check my Catch Phrase Dictionary - unprecedented, there is nothing better than just simply screaming in someone's ear, "Lies! All Lies!" and letting that end the discussion. Should it fail to do so, shout "Lies! All Lies!" again and repeat incessantly until either a) you become hoarse or b) they shut up because they realize you're a blundering idiot doing them a good service. If neither of these events occur in a short enough time period, find the nearest computer and refer them to Tenet 8. That should solve any remaining problems.

8. Everyone besides me is lying to you. Please refer to Tenet 1 and notice that only I am properly informing you of the impending doom on this universe. Nowhere else in the blogosphere is MySpace ridiculed (at least, as harshly as it is here) for the horrible excuse for a networking Web site that it is. You certainly can't find any place on the Internet besides this one that gives itself such a strangely stupid unique name as "The Order of the Blue Square," can you? Now, I'll grant you - there are other Web sites that publish with the name "blue square," but they all are pathetic compared to the greatness that is TOBS. (Hey, I like that: TOBS. Dunno why, really, it just amuses me with its pointlessness.)

http://www.bluesquare.com - Some online betting site based in the UK. Now, as we all (meaning, er, me, myself, but definitely not Irene) know from my recent trip to Britain, the British are a bit substandard in most areas compared to America. It's not their fault, really: it's just that ruling the seas isn't so important nowadays, and even when it was, once we broke off from you, we had all the oak wood along the East Coast. Suckers! So anyway, bluesquare.com is obviously a much more suitable domain name for this wonderful blog than any stupid betting site.

http://www.bluesquare.net//index.php - a weird-looking-furniture company with an international client base. (Note the three hyphens there, indicating that they're a company that sells weird-looking furniture, not a weird-looking company that sells furniture.) Also totally irrelevant to the world's needs compared to my plans.

http://bluesquare.us/ - a "development group" that, while at least based in America and sharing the same end-URL-thingy as IMAO, does not have nearly as many important things to say to the world as I do. I mean, just look at some of the things I've said to the world already. "Doom! Doom! Doom!" and "Lies! All Lies!" are just for starters.

Therefore, we are, in fact, the real blue square site. Dot blogspot dot com. Phooey.

9. IMAO and all other "popular" blogs and sites shall be linked to even though it's not like they're getting any traffic from here. That is to say, they don't get any real, rational traffic from here. They just don't have an imaginary number hit counter like I do; otherwise, they would see their imaginary page visits are skyrocketing right this minute. The great thing is, it's imaginary, so you don't have to put it on your page (though that is a good idea; one of my readers do that for me, please - oh, wait). As for irrational numbers of readers, we've got loads of those, so long as they're imaginary, too - hey, the Order is all about irrationality, which is ironic, given our name, yes, but what can you do? (A whole lot, perhaps, like stop blogging here for starters, but we're not ones to give in to simple logical trains of thought like that so easily when liberal-minded apathy is so readily available.)

Um... oh, yeah. Be blue, squares.