Tenets of the Square V

Whereas the Blue Square is, in fact, the ruler of the universe;

Whereas he does what he wants;

Whereas you all are a bunch of no-good, lying, scheming, nonexistent, pathetic bunch of losers who disgrace the noun "reader";

These are some more of my tenets.


13. The number "13" has no particularly bad denotation for your life. All real numbers, just like everything else in the world, yes, are doomed, but that does not mean that Friday the 13th is an extra-bad-luck day for you. It's just like how my horoscope sign is Cancer - it doesn't mean I'm going to suddenly lose all my hair and keel over one day, does it?

13.b. And a "baker's dozen" doesn't make sense, either. Seriously, a 3 x 4 pan works great, but how in the world do they expect to efficiently make 13 cookies or whatever else they're making? It's just ridiculous.

14. These tenets are not to interfere with the productivity level of the blue square. Ha, just kidding: of course they are.

15. Glenn Reynolds actually provides an excellent service to America and the world. It is Tom of MySpace that blends puppies and uses the juice to seduce otherwise chaste teenage females into his dens of sluttiness and debauchery.


So! Today is May 1st. Forget your lame Mexican pride; instead notice the more important event that is occuring today. That event is . . . my archives will, as of this posting, have more than one month listed on them!

Wow, okay, sorry. That is even lamer than Cinco de Mayo. And that's pretty lame. Boy. If I didn't have any imaginary readers (Tenet 9) who imaginarily complimented me for my imaginary excellent work, I'd kill myself or something. Just kidding; I wouldn't kill myself. I'd kill somebody stupider than me instead. It would kind of be like the reverse quest of Socrates trying to find someone wiser than he; I would try to find someone more foolish. At the end, I would probably give up, but by that time, since there are 6,000,000,000 people in the world, after all, I would have lived a long, blue, squarish life.