Tenets of the Square VI

Whereas the Blue Square is, in fact, the ruler of the universe;

Whereas he does what he wants;

Whereas you all are a bunch of no-good, lying, scheming, nonexistent, pathetic bunch of losers who disgrace the noun "reader";

These are some more of my tenets.




16. Seeing as I've already criticized the government and the culture of America, it is now time to criticize the Church. First of all, it's pretty pathetic, 'cuz it can't even manage a theocracy like those Muslims can. Darn them and their neoimperialism! Some religions just have it all. Secondly, our Christianity book has silly passages like these that I read on occasion:

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
but he who hates correction is stupid.

--Proverbs 12:1

How stupid. I mean, some people, like myself, just don't need any correction. And discipline? Who needs that? Now, unless you fear I'm taking this out of context, go read the whole Bible for yourself. In all of its translations, ever. (Hey, apparently some people think it's untrustworthy or something.) Nowhere in the Bible will you find a single mention of getting 72 virgins, no matter how many times you blow yourself up. No fair! I want a religion that has some side benefits to martyrdom.

17. All podcast music is pointless. We're obviously listening to the podcast for the talking, right? Why have music? That's what songs are for.

Oh, except SarahK on the IMAO podcast (may it rest in peace). She sings purty.

18. It is now time, on this sixth edition of the Tenets of the Order of the Blue Square, to clarify something very important. Often when I tell people, "I write in the newspaper, and I'm a blogger, too," they say, "You? Write in the newspaper? I thought you were conservative! And what's a blogger?"

I try to explain to them that The Free Lance-Star and other papers like the Washington Times, New York Post, Wall Street Journal and such can be as conservative as . . . fair and balanced, but that takes a while. I then try to explain to them the meaning of the word, "blogger."

Occasionally, they think they know the meaning of "blog" and think that "blogger" comes from that word, "blog." They're like, "Oh, that's a web log, right? Kind of like an online diary!" It is then that I have to sigh, smack them on the head with cardboard tubing, and tell them how they've got it all wrong.

You see, the word "blog" actually came from the word, "blogger," not the other way around. Back when blogs were invented, in 1923 or so (only recently have the MSM evil dictators allowed the public to see the greatness that is blogs, but blogs themselves actually been around for quite some time) , all bloggers did was quote a newspaper or television show (once they became invented) and comment on it. They had no news of their own to contribute. This amounted to them only saying "blah, blah, blah," and concluding with a resounding, "grr!"

Occasionally, the Old Media read the blogs that they were suppressing and laughed at them. They came up with nicknames for us. The one that stuck was simple enough: since all we did at first was say "blah" and "grr!", they called us, "blah-grrs." They then changed the name before letting us use the Internet they had created (Al Gore actually did invent the Internet; it's true) to publish so we wouldn't know the original meaning of the word. They created this really convincing story about how "blog" comes from a shortening of "web log." Next thing you know, they'll be saying "television" came from a Greek and Latin combination of the words, "far" and "to see."

Anyway, we bloggers actually won out in the end because by that time, we had stopped droning, "blah, blah, blah," and yelling, "grr!" all the time. We actually had real news to contribute! Yay!

Oh, and that's why I haven't been around in the blogosphere a while, too. My thoughts are so heretical that it's taken quite some time for those pathetic MSM types who control everything to let me say what I want.



Man, I haven't done these in a while. The good news is, all my APs are over, and doom doom doom all I have left to do is one crappy project, but what makes it all better is the fact that I get to make fun of liberal newspapers in said project. Maybe after I'm done with that will I be able to do cool stuff like design my personalized template and add categories such as these tenets (I'll need a domain name and a publisher to do that).